Song

Ah'm pure deid gorjus, me,
I'm a sight,
O I am a sight tae see.
Withoot a doot I'm pure an deid,
O I'm pure, an I'm deid, an I'm free.
So I'm goin oot, I dinnae want any tea.

O Miorbhail gràis, nach breagh'an ceòl,
O Miorbhail gràis, nach breagh'an ceòl.
When I'm lying there in your arms
Maybe it's hard to believe this is Heaven.

O pit yer jammy todger
In some salad-dodger,
I huvnae time, no me,
There's no a thing wasted
On ma waistline,
I'm wee fir aw tae see.

O Miorbhail gràis, nach breagh'an ceòl.
When I'm lying there in your arms.

I'm a sight tae
Make lads sair.
I've got hips,
Swivel like a chair.
I've got rib-tips,
Saw apart
Every lad's heart.

O Miorbhail gràis, nach breagh'an ceòl.
When I'm lying there in your arms
Maybe it's hard to believe.

Possibly — ay —
If I liked ye a lot —
Ye could bam ma pot,
Ay right —
So toss yer ain tossel
In yer ain time,
Ye'll no get a kiss fae me.
Pit yer twa inches
In a circumference
Wha won't ken
The difference,
I huvnae time, no me.
I've made a decision,
What ye want disappears.
Ask Feminism why.
An I'll tek yer tears.
Diet jism, ay. Pure
Dead gorjus, me,
For ae an aw tae see,

Goin by the kitchen,
No sae fast, Missy,
Ma Paw calls tae me.

An ma muckle Paw
Is greetin like a kitten.

O Miorbhail gràis, nach breagh'an ceòl,
O Miorbhail gràis, nach breagh'an ceòl.
When I'm lying there in your arms
Maybe it's hard to believe this is Heaven.

I look at
Him sae lowly.
He ses agen
Sae quietly.
No sae fast,
He ses,

So oot Ah walk —slowly —
An ma Paw sits an grits,
An watches ma legs,
An I'm offski, ay, an free,
Tae go spew till I drink,
Paw just wants, I think,
Tae huv sex wi' me.

Jow Lindsay