RECOGNITION part 5 of 5 or The Pain of Dying

They moved to a more comfortable house with plenty of space and urbanised
countryside all around. She thought of her mother and father often, but the
succession seemed broken. She had thought of herself as her own person with her own lifetime; but she was transitional.

There was always fighting. There was always cruelty. Every word you spoke
was thrown back sharpened. Was this education? Was this progress? Who's
never had it so good?

They're all right, said her husband. Trust them.

The children lied to her, or else didn't speak.

She watched the television.

For a while, they all went to church on Sundays, but only she went at all
enthusiastically.

When they were first married, they used to go to the pub on the corner. They
never went to the pub here. She didn't like the pub here. They had been once. He never suggested they go to the pub. She couldn't go on her own.

She'd hear him creep out in the morning. Wanting to be on his own. It took
him ages to get the car started. He never took a day off. How long could all
this last?

She had taken too much on herself and let too much happen to her. She did
everything for people. She wanted them to be happy. She had nothing else.
And now there was the pain of dying; and then the dying; and then...

The cigarettes were killing her. The cigarettes were killing them all. What
a waste. It is a cruel world.

She began to drink when she was alone. It did help.

It is a cruel world. That's what we are told; and perhaps she had been too
dutiful. It is a cruel world.