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Lives of the Saints: St Alison of Williamstown

Alison was born by divine infarction in Douglas Parade, Williamstown, the site of the great convict uprising. So indeed she blessed this unhallowed place and put the memory of John Price to rights.

At the age of one she suffered a vision of Godel's Theorem which made blood run down from her eyes. She put up her hand to her face and lo! the blood ceased, and the burghers of Williamstown, thinking that they could now erect parking meters for the penitents who came often to visit her, were much pleased and erected a simple hut near the Steampacket Hotel where she could pursue her revelations.

Henceforward she was known as the Avatar of Inconsistency and arrayed herself informally in all churches, shewing herself brightly within all correspondences.

No other sign of God's purchase on her soul was evident for some years, despite much prayer against her ragged appearance, for which the priest, who was in league with the wizard on the hill, sought to expel her from her hut. A delegation of councillors came to do the deed. St Alison stood outside her hut and said, I stand before the fractal scissiparity in all my subjective imparticularity, and no hand but God's can perceive me. She then cut off both her breasts and flung them at the councillors.

Being greatly alarmed, they ran away. She then set her hand to her bosom, and her breasts were restored, and the people greatly wondered.
Another fact about St Alison was that she never seen to eat but of milk-soaked mulberries, and she was never seen to drink but of metaxa. So it was reported of her, by those who lived closely with her. She spent her time henceforth in holy meditation of hydrating cement slurries.

There are many miracles told of this time. A certain one-dimensional cellular automaton once was breathed into her right nostril, upon which she cried, God! and from her nose expelled a stream of turbulent mucuous. This was so bright it illuminated all of Nelson Place and Centennial Park, even down to the waterfront. At another time a non-linear equation which she was coddling in a clay dish climbed out and threatened her with terminal autocatalysis. At this she took up a thermodynamic sandpile and cast it, singing and praying the while. The astonished people saw it shrink to the size of a very small cat. After that it stayed in the hut with her and helped her in many of her miracles.
Many miracles and marvels in that wise the Lord wrought for Alison. So many are they that no one could tell of them all, unless her own soul or an angel of God should come to declare them. However, this should be enough as a sample of them.