MECONIUM

 “cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
for babies grow up we have learned to our sorrow
so quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep
i’m rocking my baby, cos babies don’t keep”

hope and terror
inadequate rick
and fall
so much in sleep
correcting
letting the
west wind
at minute attention
failure of focus

rivercottagedreams
& abandoned ambition
our circle

Hormoneclusterfuck

fierce attention
instant through smell
or something
full sure
and authentic?

stone grey/blue
short scans
of connection
through fuzz

waves and fingernails
our blue ring of emotion

 

**a lot of feelings**

 

the waste of sleep
your eyes
and growls
uncontrolled

 

your deepthought
function
your moments
your yellowing skin

 

no adequate response

 

half dark
and warm
waiting for visits

 

new ways
rip out
&change everything
drown in
your company

 

returning is tragic

 

my old fears
in drizzle

living for you
of course
what else?

hair scarf
& pinny aesthetic
make me barefoot
& wannabe wholesome

 

renounce it all
abandoned
heart burst
unbearable
in unexplained fluff

now quiet

rushing to return
but with you

 

scratch back
at generations
guilty of scorn

 

sucking fingers
and shaking
squiggled in
alignment
desperate for craft
slow and reacting
snuffles and frowns
your costumes
future moments

 

bracketed from
‘the real world’
by the sound of
your breathing

 

the failure of
   whitenoise

unquestionable comfort
hand to ear
eye flicks
and gasps

 

i can never leave you down

 

strain me
in gaps
thrill seeking
those eye lashes
that hair

blood cleaned
and cosy
moving away
fear of forgetting
overwhelm
& quiet

 

& after all that giving out i never want to be apart from you

 

all change
sauce and emotion
letting go
your sweet smell
improbable return
romancing our history
reframing to you
clamped and driven
now documenting

looking through
a 30yr lens
wanting to want this

 

floor dreams
i hold you
scratched stitches
this is never ending
a pattern stuck

 

now exhausted
& writing left handed
embraced & engorged
never wanting an end

 

our mutual warmth
our patchwork

 

sleep smiles
sound ripping
indeliberate punches
shiver
& whimper
finding features
to soft music
arching and sucking
linger on ...
dragged into cliché
a slim waist is bittersweet

 

veined eyelids
lip flakes
comforting rhythm when
stripes dominate
jump sudden
your beauty

jolt & shiver
o my your
beauty
those marks
indebted to hygiene
a never return